When things are going well in my family relationships, it is human nature to slack off on the work it took to get there, thinking that somehow it will stay that way without the same amount of effort.  With careful analysis though, I realize that before things have gotten really bad, I have gradually let my thoughts drift daily towards negativity until eventually I’m even dreaming angry dreams about the people I love.

For me, there are two essential tools for preventing my thoughts from heading downhill and eventually leading me to an explosion of contention.  The first is to make a constant effort to look for the good in my family members.  There is so much good to find if I will just stop and make myself recognize it.  When I do, my heart is filled with gratitude for them, and my actions speak love instead of discontent. The second tool is to daily repeat my affirmations of self-love, which keep me feeling confident and happy with myself and less codependent upon others.

The scripture that my son and I read this morning fits this message perfectly…Mathew 26:41, “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation.”  If we are not constantly on guard, it is way too easy to fall into the temptation of focusing on negativity and causing contention with the ones we love most.

We’ve all heard the old adage that to truly love others you must first love yourself.  But, what have you done to learn to love yourself, so that your relationships with others improve?

A few years ago, I asked God why I would shrink in fear at the anger of others. I had done it all my life, and it was making me and my relationships miserable.  As I had learned the practice of praying with my hands on the computer ready to receive His answer, it came that day, very clearly, “People get mad at me all the time,” he said, “but I don’t shrink in fear.  I just listen to their message and then I bless them, because I love them.”  Wow!  What insight!  I wanted to be like that!  So, for the next few years I worked on trying to acquire that reaction towards others with some, but little, success.  Then, about 9 months ago, I was again praying at my computer about the same relationship, and the hurt I was feeling from the rejection in it, when God very unexpectedly, answered me this, “You wanted to experience repeated rejection in this life so that you could learn to overcome it.  You wanted to find the strength within yourself to handle anything and everything that would come at you without being co-dependent.  Don’t take this rejection personally, as you have learned that I don’t take the rejection of others personally.  Stand in the truth and knowledge of who you really are, and the knowledge of who your loved one really is, and the pre-existent commitment they made with you to play an oppositional force in your life, for a time, that you may learn the lessons that you wanted to learn, and are learning.”  I thought, “Heck yes, that is absolutely what I want to learn, and any amount of rejection is worth it, now that I understand its purpose!”

Once I understood that this person had contracted to play a difficult role in my life—because I had asked him to—I felt such gratitude for him.  I began that day to regularly say, “thank you”, non-verbally, but spiritually, to him for playing that role in my life.  Here are the miracles that have taken place since I began that practice: The rejection has almost stopped. (When the student learns the lesson, the teacher can go away.) More importantly, I realize that it prepared me for the next phase of another important relationship, that of my adopted, bi-racial son, Jaxon. In which, I sometimes experience great rejection as he learns to navigate through the difficulties of trying to understand his relinquishment from his birth parents. However, now I get that it has nothing to do with me.  Another blessing is that I don’t wallow in feeling sorry for myself anymore, most of the time, because I trust that there is a purpose in the opposition in my relationships.  I have gained a deep trust in the scripture in Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God…”

So, how is it that God can take continual rejection from his own children?  Because he knows who he is.  He loves himself.  If we want to become more like God, and be able to truly love like He loves—we have to be able to love ourselves.

It is my job to love me!  It is your job to love you!  If your spouse, your children, your parents or siblings choose to love you too, then that is a bonus.  God doesn’t depend upon our loving him first to love himself, or to be willing to listen to our message and bless us because he loves us, and neither should we with our loved ones.  Go love yourself!

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton